Pathways

Everything has led to this point

all decisions
all mistakes
all triumphs
all hopes and dreams

night time curls around me,
made a little softer
because I understand

we cannot grow
any way else

part of the journey
is the lessons
part of the challenge
is the trials

they make us who
we are
who we must be


Some walk alone

some walk in
pairs or groups

some meet at crossroads
only to diverge again

it is the way of things

no story ever ends
just warps its way along

and “along” has
brought me here

here I meet new eyes
not my own
but coloured with
a similar song

And for that moment
I know again
I am not alone

who would think
a distant smile
could warm me so.

too often in this life

after so many years
you would think
I would know better

after so many mistakes,
so many false starts at the gate,
you’d think I would wise up.

but hope springs eternal
that change will come
and something will happen
where nothing has been able
to grow in the past.


I don’t know why I even try

I do not understand
why I reach out time and again
knowing in the back of my mind
that i will be slapped down
yet again.

is it masochism
or a bleeding heart syndrome
or just me thinking that
there’s got to be one other
good person out there.

someone explain it to me
beforeI lose what’s left
of this mind.

Too Awake

I am so alone.

I do not know
if I am lonely
though.
Wiser voices
once told me
there is a
difference
there.

But life has
never hande
me else

and I do
not know
how to
change it.

I hate being
so seperated
in this shell.

I remember
ither times
other places

Where the skin
fit better
than today

didn't seem so
much like a
barrier

but rather
a comfortable
coat
around me

why do we choose
this method
of learning

What is the point
of questing for
belonging
when we are
but parts of
something grander

It is our seperateness
that makes us
ugly

Only the saintly
among us
get it right
in this life

and too often
they are martyred
for their differences

It's like we hate
being reminded
of what we cannot
touch here

because of the
mundaneness
of day to day

I guess I am
not so different
just eyes open

Yes
ignorance can be bliss
Wisdom comes with
a price

or perhaps a cost

true wisdom is
to be careful
what you ask for

It may not be
what you think
in the end

alone
is not
lonely
true

it is knowing
too much
and no one
to share it with

Undone

The man in the moon is crying
misting over at the passing clouds
I wonder what he sees
when looks upon his daugther earth

does he see the passing time
scurrying under his feet
does he see the changing seasons
or the ebb and flow of glaciers

I bet he sees only the changing colour
from blue to bitter green
as those unseen on her gentle face
lay waste to all that is home

we are not alone

but we may leave nothing here
to mark that we ever were &
once we are gone she will glow
that deep clean blue again

what a shame we cannot see
the greater picture as he does
learn humility and compassion
for that which gives us life

It will be our undoing.

you

the rain pours down
outside
I sit on the porch
and wonder of you

it might as well be a
million lonely miles
just the same as
next door

I don't know
where it came from
or why
I just know I want
to see it to its end

and I feel
deep inside
that this one should be
this fit seems made for me

i hope it is for you

it may be a long time
before we know for sure
be patient,heart.
time is the cure.


I just remember that touch
and not wanting to leave
knowing only obligations
and not being able to feed my own need

I cannot tell you
how special I felt
just being held in those eyes
I don't know why
it just feels right

sing to me again
troubadour
something inside you
touches something in me

I wish on the hidden stars
someday we'll both get to see

sing away

not quite there

I am not enough as I am
I am too much
or too little
I can't say which

I don't get it
I guess I never did
sometimes the chasm
is too threatening
to try to breach

We're birds of a
feather
we don't want the
pain
again
but we know
something's missing

And the heart
moves out to
whatever will
reach first
even if it is the
wrong path

you wear that
thing
like a shield
Me, I wear aloofness

we manage to
damage whatever
chance it might have
by being ever
on the defense

who will make
the first move
and will the
other respond

it can take a long
time
to break down
dense walls

I hope we
don't give up


It is easier
yes
it makes life so
much easier
to just move on
& never know
that it was the one
to fit

And I hate it

I think you do too.

is there some
small piece still
unwounded
where this little bird
might lite

is there some way
to give this love
flight

my heart says yes
my head & hand
hesitate

I hope one or both
figure it out

before it's too late

refuse

Furniture in the roadside

lost in the moving

a moving loss

too big to toss-

just left behind

a place to unwind

on the roadside



Couch on the curve

off white and off kilter

a place to stop and watch

the sunset

creeping down the road



Stories untold

as night begins to unfold

stretch out to a bed

as tail lights turn red



and the journey starts anew



Living room suite

tunes tossed to the wind

as chairs once comfort

now become no one's friend

Sidewalk Poet

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Sidewallk Poet


chalk scraps across the concrete

scratchy sound

sends chills up my spine

if only to remind

me to pay attention



it is the only pay cheque

worth bothering with



the world of man slides

by, a blur of noise

a whisper of rushing feet

a flash of passing shades

all lost to the background

of confusion



this is all illusion



what is real moves

a different pace

walks the soil not cement

is a different place



yet right outside your door



I draw the heart of man

where the feet scrape it away

and I draw it again

to draw attention

to what fails you every

time



i am the keeper of rhyme



it is my job

to make sure you see

once in awhile

what is truly there

which is not what

you think



but rather what you need



take heed



sometimes the Truth

comes upon velvet feet

pads into your line

of vision

just long enough to

make you stop



leaves you wondering

what you saw

real or delusion

like I said

just illusion



look for the painting

etched into the sidewalk

Truth comes from all corners



maybe even yours

dawn creeps up on the horizon
bright star guides me home
once again alone
how do I make it end

teacher, guide for others
never for myself
the stones talk of
things i do not know

I get so tired of walking alone
I am foot sore and weary
and I look for another
to share the burden

Seems my lot here is to stand alone
always the strength and courage
but never the reward
I do not like this task

somewhere along the line
I think I was got forgotten
by the ones who watch over
and so i waste away

just another day
in the here and now
to bear alone
lost soul in the crowd

again?

Dare I fall yet again
for a wandering minstrel
dare I spread
myself thinner still?

I wish I had the nerve
he has- to move around
so much that all
and none are places home

* * *
Migrating birdie
what is your true name
Not the one you wear as
a badge
but the one that sings
the colours in your soul

* * *

the spring time calls
the flowers threaten to bloom
the trees reach out
yawn, stretch & reach
to the sky

I wish I knew why
some are content in one place
while another cannot lite
for more than a moment

i think sometimes
that it must be fear
on both parts, not one,
each clinging in their
own way
to some fabled ending
ever on the horizon

we make our beds
we pack the car
we wait at home
we travel far

there is no difference
when all is said & done
it is just a way of choosing
which way to run

we come undone

plaster & poetry fill in the gaps
we reach outside ourselves
cos no one supplied a map

new moon

cupid's arrow aimmed at the ground
aphrodite's bow down at all-rest
crescent moon creeps slowly to sleep
too young to give me any idea
which way to turn


Life is full of surprises
twists and turns all directions known
and none so hard to know as this
I am wrenched from every socket made

bits-n-pieces

a notebook gone wild:

two lines in the road
going opposite ways
I'm in a haze

Life's direction are
often opaque
giving us reason to
pause & ponder
How far I wander
from the beaten path

never look back
it doesn't work

I know
I tried

Ever forward
the message goes
but who knows

which way the
path turns

******************************************

no idea

where to go

never know

ever the flow
I am so lost sometimes
at least I think I am

then I look to others
& find the way not
so very different
for them

*******************************

Godlen spiral
circles into
toward life

yin & yang
but ever widening

comes from hiding
inside each &
every thing

**************************************


the people in our lives
both brief and forever
are merely prayers
we chose to utter

to know better ourselves
and others as well
to reconnect where
we oft think ourselves
disconnected

it is when we forget
how to pray for
what is outside
ourselves
that the world seems
to falter
and grow a bit colder

been writing poetry at MySpace for some reason. Preserving it here.


Thursday, December 01, 2005

One Door Opens
Current mood: grieving


another closes.

sometimes it is hard to decipher which

is witch



a hand reached to me

I answered

I found a friend

and for a time was healed



Now I am at a loss



It seems life chips away

in little tiny moves

breaking this heart

to shards

and then quarks

an dthere is no glue

to mend it with



I tire of the goodbyes

especially those never said

I tire of the empty spaces

left as the room grows cold



I suppose
I look outside myself

for too much affirmation

but it is said that one

is known by the company

one keeps



Would that I could keep yours



I'm tired of closing doors



and learning not to trust

the next that opens.



In bitter tears I turn away.

I stole those pictures today

they may be all I have

when the morning light turns grey



i hate goodbye

I hate having to lose

I hate knowing once again

I walk through here alone

I hope it changes

but I will mourn just the same



a part of me died today

and the passing should be honoured



in the name of the Triple Goddess,

Maiden, Mother, Crone

I bid thee godspeed to wherever

and pray that you come home.



blessed be my friend.












Saturday, November 26, 2005

not sure


so much pain in the world



and we usually inflict it upon ourselves.



there is no outside remedy



no place to hide til it goes away



only time to spend inside



seek within

for the strenght

the answers

the thing that is us

each and all



it is only from ourselves

that true happiness is derived



no one and nothing

else

can patch the holes,

mend the heart,

guide us through this life



the zen buddhists

call it

chop wood, carry water



do the simple things

to the best of your waking day



be happy in the little accomplishments



and know you have

made a difference

in a life

if merely your own





there is no other true place

for peace to grow



but in one's own heart.


1:34 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove


an early AM away
Current mood: tired of games


Ah!

this is driving me crazy!



Too much time in my own head and I still cannot see the way.



I cannot have what works for me,



yet what I can isn't what I need.



Sometimes there are too many facets to this life and I can't

tell which is real and which a lie.



there's that word again.

you brought it up awhile back, with bitterness,

and sarcasm, yet again trying to joke

but not really.

I am sometimes not sure when to laugh



or give you a hug.



but there you are.

Beauty as to only artists,

yet there you stand

looking uncomfortable in your own skin

making me wonder if I

am dealing with a man

or a boy.





Most are both really,

and I love and envy

them for it.

they remind me how to play

bu none ever seems to stay





I don't know why.



but for you,

I would try.

and again there it is-

I do not know why.



I only know I hate the cold pillow

next to me, and the distance

between us,



you and me.


10:43 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove



Thursday, November 24, 2005

Turnings
Current mood: quiet


crisp bite in the air

normal sounds of everyday

muffled to extinction

skies whisper

of coming cold

leaves flap by

in their migration



winter comes

this is the time

of dying

to be reborn

at midwinter fires



the world turns round

once more



peace in the coming times , friends.




8:07 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove



Sunday, November 20, 2005

Unable


wanna be somewhere else right now. Close enough to touch, though it is forbidden. For now anyway.



Want to know I have the chance I need. Want to know that something might just go right for me for a change.



and unable to do a damn thing about it. too far away. wait for another day....



to touch and say

what I feel.

the farthest point down

how far is
too far

down

I knew once
for me

I had my limits


and they nearly
crushed me

when you're floating
on the oily sea

rife with debris
and vivid smells

how do you
tell the mind

to take over
where the heart has failed

how far
is too far

down

when nothing
cuts through

nothing makes
sense anymore

nothing stays
the wound

and misery
is all you know


there is no guide book to this
there is no class one can take

it seems sometimes that even
the books can offer no more solace

the words are brittle and tasteless
the rhyme slips right through the fingers

and no one has
any answers

that might say
which way to turn

it isn't fun
to be alone
on a vast sea
of nothing
but the past

and alas

it is hard to
know
how far
is too far


down


until it might
be too late

* * * * * * * * * * *

a light in the tunnel
an escape
or an end

you will never know
until you reach for it

and that takes courage
of the heart

just a start

but it must begin somewhere

midnight scribbles

trees thru the forest
that’s a harder thing
the safe little cottage
tucked away in back
a simple life
thee & me
all inside the trees

what drives the words
the poet would say
mystery
mystery
but, truth, they are
like the wind

curling around me
like fog on the glen
wrapping me in things
unseen but felt inside

I’ve nowhere to hide

One hand’s embrace
can change the world
make the sun rise
and sunset fairer


make the colours bright
in the northern lights
up in the midnight sky

don’t ask me why

I only know its truth;
I can’t give it reason,
justa place in this heart
to let hope grow

maybe he will know

Maybe he can tap
into the connection
as into the maple
to release the sweet within

it does take two
after all

the give and the take
must balance
or no one gains a thing
in the end

like a tree I bend


down to the frozen ground
offering what I can,
warmth gained from above
to melt a small bit
of the world

just a start, but
I hope it is enough

Nevermind

I just got it wrong again.
Ignore it and go on.
The world will not change
so drastically
because of one foolish
girl's dream.


I don't even qualify
as a passing fancy.
None would give me that glance.


I am just the wallflower,
forgetable in the end,
the one no one notices
til she's gone.

if then.


I will go back to my cave
dig deep in the time
of hibernation
and pray that dreams are
enough to sustain
when all else is denied me.


And if they aren't,
well,
who the hell would notice
the difference anyway?


What a pity
won't even cross your mind
I will just be that face
that stopped showing up.
Guess she found something
new.


An understatement
but you will never
understand
nor do I think
you'll care.

pity.
because I do.
about you that is.

dark

the paint splashes across the canvas
the words form in the running hues
I try to catch an image
and it is elusive

A swirl of leaves thrown aloft
by the devil's windy twin
slip & slide amid the sleeping trees
kiss my face with death's familiar scent

a long boulevarde, once tamed
by the hands of man
claimed back not to the Cycles
wildness whispers in my ears

Reaching creeping touchy fingers
limbs & leaves & too much familiar
places its mark on the passing year
kicks up clouds of what has gone before

the space between dreams

He doesn't know
how I feel
I don't think
he doesn't know how
his eyes make me flush

he doesn't know
I would give him the world
if I could

He was a dream
Half a life ago
and I feel so
complete near him

this time
the passion is different
this time
it is old & familiar

a fire that smolders
deep & comfortable
how I wish
I knew how to tell him

I want to reach
across the chasm
between us
and simply
take his hand

I think in our case
the truth would
speak volumes
we can't admit are there

He doesn't know
what my heart feels
Where do I find
the courage to tell him

stone heart

I lost my heart today

I got up and looked
but it was gone.

I guess it was
tired of the abuse
and neglect
and decided
to move on

I carried it in my
pocket,
because it was easier
than wearing it on
my sleeve

It felt
I suppose
I had no more use
for it,
and so decided
to leave


heartbeat

tiny heartbeat

too soft for the world
to hear



where are you lying now
with no one to tend
to your fear


I needed you
if only
to carry what I
can no longer bear

if I knew where to look
I would bring you
home with care


in the middle of
this mortal coil
swimming in this
life of illusion
I have little enough
to hold on to

and now even less

I wonder where a
heart of stone
goes to find reprieve

I would tell it I
would trade places
now
if it would just
choose not to leave

This is the End

I choose here to end this.

I choose to cut off its head,
poison dripping from fangs
into my wounded soul.

I choose to bury it
on sacred ground
that it might never
bite again.

I choose the coward's
way out
because all else has
failed me miserably.

I shut the door.
I lose the key.
I turn my back.
I walk away.

I cannot take this
one more time.